Making friends as an adult in my late 30’s is hard.
Having a friend that comes over just to catch up and talk about our adult problems, how motherhood messed up our brains and doesn’t judge crying caused by the words they said that resonated with every thought you have said to yourself for months on end. The ones who validate your house isn’t dirty, it’s a lived in and enjoyed, it’s a house of toddlers and that is okay. Only to drop off fresh flowers from their garden an hour later to cheer you up. A friendship that takes zero effort as an adult, those friends are needed more than you realize and harder to find than ever expected.
As a teen you think your friendships are going to stay just as strong and last forever. However as life moves on so do friendships, that’s not saying you can’t have a lifelong friendship that doesn’t waver but in my experience most of the friendships have their phases.
As an adult I was always a server or bartender and in the service industry your schedule is so different from most that your co-workers become your best friends, they are the ones you grab a drink with when your shift is over. When (if) you leave this lifestyle, you become lost, it’s Friday and you want to get dinner and go out and do all the things you couldn’t do because that was one of your busy work shifts but now you are free to enjoy except one thing, all your friends are working because they are servers and bartenders.
Once I became a mom, my current lifestyle and friendships changed. They were still there but not as often and I felt my struggling to keep up with their plans. I felt myself drift our feel out of place. Friendships from my past came back around, they were always there but just not as strong, and some of my childless friends became even bigger parts of my life and are “Aunties” to my children. That being said some of my “best” friends even ones who have children the same age are like strangers now. They don’t know what’s going on in my life and as much as I try to keep that friendship strong there are only so many unanswered text and phone calls that can be had before throwing in the towel. I know in my heart the silence isn’t on purpose and it’s because their life is just as crazy, if not more crazy than mine. We will regain our friendship one day but for now, even at the same stage of life it’s not our time and that can be hard for me to understand some days.
Sometimes the strongest friendships come from the acquaintance who through a mutual interest you realize you have so much more in common than you ever realized. If you are struggling with friendships as an adult, I challenge you to talk to someone new at a yoga class or the hair salon, maybe it’s someone you see sharing similar interest on IG or FB. Reach out to that person and see if they want to get lunch one day. I know it’s awkward but chances are they are looking for adult friends with share interest also and who knows that just may be your new best friend for this stage of life or forever.
So I write this to simply say, being a good friend as an adult with our own lives being crazy is hard. Appreciate, love and respect the ones who stand by you on your best days and the worst days. The friends who drop off fresh flowers when they know you need a simple smile or the ones who call or text to see how you are truly doing. The ones who are game for Mimosas on Sunday OR a 10am Monday coffee. Or even the ones you have yet to meet. Also If you like plants, mimosas, coffees or going for an afternoon walk let me know!
Xo,
Chandon
